The one where...

I've been looking at my blog for the last twenty minutes...what to write is my question. I just can't figure out a topic, I just don't know. There we go finally I have a topic-I don't know. Life is getting harder as this summer continues. High School is over but college has yet to begin-I'm in between and starting to think of that one song Brittany Spears sang that went something like this: i'm not a girl not yet a woman (please help me, shoot me for even thinking of those lyrics) Where so I stand-I feel out of place in Young Womens and SO out of place in Young Single Adults, although I did meet a really nice guy though but that's besides the point(and he's out of my league). Where do I belong? Where should I be, maybe I should just go hang with my mom in primary(there was a primary jamboree, took place in the [flat rock] primary-insideout a capella) I don't know what to do about guys. Awhile ago I had decided and then accepted that God didn't want me to have a boyfriend cause I thought nobody liked me in that way...then Jason and Miles came along. The verdict is still out on Jason's part-I can't ask because I'm afraid he might not feel the same way I do. I know Miles likes me now but he kinda missed the boat-I don't like him the way I used to(i'm over his eyes, i'm over his games-katharine mcphee)...read the below blog. I was at lunch with Kate last week and I was telling her about this(she doesn't like Jason, she thinks he's sketchy but whatev, and so she pretty much roots for anyone that isn't him), I told her about God not wanting me to have a boyfriend and what she said has been making think "Well, now you have to accept that his plan changes" or something similar to that. And anyone who knows me knows that change and I aren't best friends. [I just took my hair out of a ponytail and smelled my hair, let me just say I love herbal essences, now back to what I was talking about] We just don't get along which is why I won't marry someone in the military-I moved around enough as a child. I'm not officially into LDS Business College yet and my family won't stop breathing down my back. How do you write an essay stating why you should get in with out sounding like an arrogant brat? It's not like I'm scared or anything, it's an open admissions college. I tried to write it and sent to my Uncle Markham to edit cause he said he would and he hasn't sent it back yet which is kind of starting to freak me out. I just don't know what I want with college, I want to go to LDSBC but then again I don't. I just don't want this summer to end because if it does than I have to face reality and it's harsh. I don't want to go to college and be all on my own, for years I thought I was ready but now that's it's close I see that I am not. Why did I take for granted all those years as a small child when life was easy and all I did was show up? I realize that this blog is getting long so I will end and although I am so unsure of many things I do know that I love you, and I am so thankful that God has put you in my life(and while I am saying these things For Good-Wicked starts to play in my mind). I hope I can stay in touch with you when I leave for Utah.