Sunday, December 18, 2011

things need to be said

i'm not backing down
because i still think what i said
but i am sorry people were hurt

Monday, December 12, 2011

being ignorant makes me...

i wanted to say mad,
because that's what i want to label it at first
and then i realize it's pity and sadness

you don't get over a huge,
life changing, traumatic event
and when someone goes through something similar
you feel an unfortunate kinship-
one that you never wished to share with anyone, ever

no one will understand it
no one will be able to say the right thing
but when the people who are closest to you
start talking about a similar event
and talk about the things you went through
and say they can't imagine what it's like
it makes me want to scream, and cry, and run
run from them, run from the people i thought understood
understood my family, understood me

i know, i know what it's like
i know what it's like to never want to be happy again
i know what it's like to want all of this, this event, this life, all of it, to be over
i know what it's like to see it all unfold in front of you

i know what it's like to think what if
what if i hadn't fallen asleep
what if i had acted earlier
what if things were different
what if he were still here

and what hurts the most is i still feel alone
i feel like i never even knew them
like they never knew us, me

Tuesday, October 11, 2011


since may
i've been
consistently broken

and i've been
thinking a lot
about it

one moment
you go from having
something being perfectly normal
to having to spend
days, weeks, months
repairing yourself

you're never the same
somethings strengthen
somethings weaken
but you grow
and are more careful

you learn to adapt
you learn to laugh it off
you learn that it's your life
for better or for worse

and one day
it'll all be behind you
and you'll be okay someday

Sunday, September 11, 2011

I was 11

ten years ago today i was eleven
it was tuesday
i had gotten up and gone to school
just like any other day

i was wearing a camel colored shirt
and camel flowered pants
and i'm pretty sure i was wearing
brown clunkers
and my hair was probably in a pony tail

i knew nothing of any of the events
until i was at lunch
a teacher came and told me my mom
was in the office and i needed to go see her

she asked me if i knew what was going on
if i had heard about low flying planes
i looked at her funny and said no
she gave me a hug and said she'd get me after school

i went back to lunch
and told my 'friends' that my mom
had told me planes had been flying low
in albany, ga [my dad was out of town there]

mom had told us that sunday
that we were watching too much tv
and didn't want us to turn it on at all that week

when i got home i heard all about it
i remember abusing the new rule mom had set
as long as i watching news about 9/11
i could watch tv

i still think about them
i think about united 93
i think about all the family left behind
i think about these men

i love finding out more about the events
and fully understanding what happened
i love united 93 [the movie]
i love let's roll [the book]
and i'm working on the 9/11 commission report

i wish this hadn't happened
i wish that these people were still here today
but this is the next best thing

Monday, May 23, 2011

the one with one of the best things i have ever done!

the chick-fil-a grand opening here in midland
was a BLAST!
i had such a great time!

will and i got there about 5:35 am
and by about 6:10 we had our raffle tickets
because if there are over 100 people there by 6 am
then they raffle off the 100 spots

i was pretty nervous by the time we were
half way through the raffle.
the guy in front of me had been called,
and pretty quickly the guy behind me was called
will and i were finally called, #85

we were ushered inside
filled out paperwork
was given a super cute cup
and then ushered back outside
to get our parking spot/camping stall

this was our home for about 21 hours
since it took forever for us to get a spot

we had some pretty great neighbors

and some annoying neighbors,
who played music over the operator's father playing a trumpet
 and jammed out til about 2

we played games all afternoon and til about 10ish
i participated in a savenger hunt
via  columbus ledger enquirer

only downside i got pretty burned
like in pain for a couple days

we woke up the next morning, packed up
and got in numerical order
were handed t-shirts
[picture to come]
and went inside to be given our 52 free meal tickets

then will and i went inside for some breakfast
making us one of the first five paying customers
if you want to see what happened next

in a couple days
will, zac and i
are going to another opening
in tucker, GA if you wanna come!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

the one with a super long day ahead of me

tomorrow i'm getting up at 4:45
i'm packing the car with
tents, blankets, pillows,
chairs, drinks, food,
chargers and more

i'm not going in the woods,
i'm camping out at chik-fil-a
until about 6:30 on thursday
for free chik-fil-a!

not just a couple free meals,
"a year of free chik-fil-a"
or to be more exact 52 free meal vouchers

so text me, call me,
tweet me, or even stop by
cause i'll be there all day!

Friday, May 13, 2011

the one with the evans

the evans are like my second family
they are my favorite
their kids are super cute
and they love me

can it get any better?
yes, yes it can!
they say the cutest stuff

the kids
e 14 year old girl
j 10 year old boy
b  year old boy
m 4 year old boy

j, while playing with my phone,
said "you have the ellen app?
to which i replied "yes, i love ellen!"
b then blurted out "i love ellen too!"

b is just so cute and always loves what you think
a stay-at-home mom would love

j, while i was checking out the johnson's blog,
said the cutest thing but you'll need some background
the johnson's are currently living in germany they had picture up
so j said "do they have mormon church there?"
and i said "yeah..."
"wow, they just drink a lot and i didn't think they would have one"
ummm, i love these kids.
more to come i'm with them for like another 18 hours

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

the one with late nights

i love getting together
with the hyde side of the family
because we stay up and talk or play games
and when i end up going to bed early
and they stay up i get jealous

well when it's just me and mom
it's a perfect recipe for staying up late
and tons of tv
and tons of stupid fun stuff

like for instance tonight was
reading, hawaii five-0,
fabulous cakes, quints by surprise,
oh and blogging and more reading
and make it or break it

we had ice water galore,
rice krispies, and fires and tater tots

and my mom and i discussed a hilarious book
[can you keep a secret? by sophie kinsella]
and the fact that i love the name lyla and she doesn't
(doesn't lyla marie sound cute? i wouldn't use marie though)
and if i have twins i want them to be lyla and piper

and i talked to my favorite person
and caught up on tweets
tonight was a good night!

Monday, May 2, 2011

the one when i ask: "can i get a [hallelujah]?"

after almost 9 years
our military has done it
they have taken out osama bin laden

i never thought this day would come
and where was he?
in a compound in pakistan

i remember feeling chills when i saw this picture
after september 11

then this morning i was blown away
when i saw this picture this morning

we owe them and our military

the one with 'adlanna' temple festivites

real southerners don't say atlanta
they say adlanna

now on to the fun stuff

mom, dad, and zac worked at the open house
and i got to watch this cute little girl
she was adorable
and she said we're best friends

then we dropped off miss lauren to her parents
and went and toured the temple
before a temple is dedicated you can tour the inside
i toured the mt. timpanogos temple
but it was amazing to tour as a family
sans nathan, but he was there in spirit

dad had taken the boys aside
i took this picture after
but the colors turned out so cool

this is how it was before the mt. timpanogos temple
and because of the sealing power of the temple
we were sealed to my brothers for
time and all eternity

the atlanta temple was closed for almost two years
because the condition was worse than they first thought
now they have made grand improvements
like they have a thing in the back of the temple
that holds water so all outside water needs are taken care of
and use no city water
and water is such an issue here so this is amazing!

so that was last weekend
this weekend was amazing

these are some views from our hotel room
it was so beautiful!

this was at something like 6 in the morning
sleeping on the floor did not agree with me!

while we were waiting in line to get in
we were lucky enough to see our stake kids
and they looked like cadged animals

this is the one of the chaperones
the picture turned out really nice

the girls had just finished practicing

the color turned out really cool with this one too
i like the coloring with ian's sunglasses

of course dan and will were on the front row on stage
dan's the one on the left

our kids from the ward

 of course they got in the hsm jump

some of the boys wanted to get in on the action too

due to copyrights and all
no pictures or videoing was allowed
will got really close to president monson who was there
for the cultural celebration
it was amazing

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

the one with glasses

unfortunately i must wear glasses
every so often
it's quite depressing

but at least i picked a pair
that made me look
somewhat okay

i feel so bad when i see people
in glasses that obviously make
them look hor-e-blay!

i want to know who let them
pick them out

for the record
DO NOT pick glasses because
they look cute lying there
they are old fashioned
the people at the store say they look cute
(they don't have to tell you the truth)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

the one with me suffering in georgia heat

people ask me sometimes if i like
utah or georgia better
the answer?
utah summers, georgia winters
i don't like snow anymore
and i have never loved humidity
in fact we are enemies!

i used to be able to deal with it
i could make my room
it was heaven

little brother decided to make a campaign for that room
my beloved room
so i got his matchbox room
and i know what you're saying
"you don't live there anymore,
suck it up!"
well you're reading my blog so you're on my side

his room i can't get cooler
than melted ice cream
and i am not cool with this
(no pun intended)

i can't handle this
i'm in shorts and a tank top to sleep
and i can't even have a sheet
and i wake up constantly 
i can't handle this

and then we went to atlanta this weekend
the change in lattitude would help
oh no, i was melting
and its not like people can get their act together
and cool down a place

except for the temple
and the stake center
it was heaven!

don't even get me started on the pool at the hotel
or my allergies
heaven help me!

Monday, April 25, 2011

the one where class is in session

let me teach you a couple things
i've seen people make these mistakes
and you get to be the benefit of my knowledge

first of all let's start with the obvious
don't have sex-you won't get pregnant!

second don't write stupid statuses
don't go apologizing to your ex on facebook
it makes you look needy and a little psycho

third give them space
absence really does make the heart grow fonder
people don't like to be smothered, you don't have to be with them 24/7

class is dismissed
if you wanna know anything else let me know

Monday, April 11, 2011

the one with sisters by heart

i joined psi
because i was moving out of my student ward
and taking my credits down to one class
and i was going to need social interaction

i was nervous at first
and almost decided to forget it
but i was blessed with these awesome sisters
and i'm so sad the year is coming to an end

Sunday, April 10, 2011

the one with my wall

i'm not a fan of headboards
they kinda drive me crazy
because they let pillows through the crack
and i want my pillows!

but i love walls covered with quotes
and things i love

i need my room, wherever it may be,
to feel like it's me
and not like a hotel room or something

about a month ago i had some pictures developed
and i knew i wanted to put them up on my walls
but at the time the only wall i would really see
is this wall covering a heating vent thing,
that also has a book case i can't tough

so i tried but all my stuff didn't fit and
i had rapped around and used another side
but i wasn't seeing it and it was lame

now to the good stuff
i moved my bed into this alcove i have in my room
and it's so nice
because the bench below the window is like my nightstand
and the left side of my bed is against a wall
and i like to sleep against a wall
crazy, i know!

but while i was cleaning and starting to pack
i thought about adding stuff to my wall
it could be like a sideboard
like a day bed has

the mirrored candle was already there, and i could't move it

my phone doesn't like to take crisp pictures
and i was too lazy to charge my camera

besides the pictures, my favorite part
is the princess plaque above the 'E' plaque
the white lettering says
"daughter of a Heavenly King"
and i got it at the DI for less than a $1

although i may love it
we'll see what my grama great thinks
because anytime i change anything she freaks out

when she saw that the bed wasn't in it's normal place
she yelled "where is the bed? what did you do with it"
like i had decided to get rid of it
ya gotta love old people

Saturday, April 9, 2011

the one with 'winter just wasn't my season'

i love music
i love the beats
and the words
and how it can change your mood
in the matter of 3 minutes and 28 seconds

i also love grey's anatomy
[i promise i have a point]
and although their musical event
wasn't as good as it could have been
and i'm worried they might have jumped the shark
there are couple songs i really love

i'd already like the songs
but their versions are good
[and kevin McKidd sounds amazing]
the one that's been stuck in my head
is breathe performed by chyler leigh
[originally sung by anna nalick]

it starts with:
2 am and she calls me
cause i'm still awake
"can you help me unravel my
latest mistake? i don't love him, 
winter just wasn't my season"

and winter wasn't my season either
with moving twice within 12 days
letting go of someone i thought i would be close to forever
questioning everything about myself
not having a real room for months
feeling inadequate at every turn
and hating snow!

but i'm changing
because i'm settling in, kind of 'nesting'
making my room as home-y as i can get it
without grama great throwing a fit

i'm deciding that i am good enough
that i don't have to change for any one
and that i can make new, great friends

but snow, i can't get rid of.
and the fact that it's been snowing
on and off for like the past 48 hours
is going to drive me crazy!

but i'm going home in
6 days!
and that can make snow tolerable

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

the one when i am SOO excited!

so i love reading
and it wasn't always that way
i hated reading until 4th or 5th grade
and one of the lowe boys
told me about his class reading harry potter
and i was like harry what?
and then that christmas my mom
got the first three books
and the rest was history

i love the initial reading of a book
not knowing what is going to happen
feeling your hand turn the page in anticipation
i just love it all

i love rereading books
because you get to be excited all over again
and i'm not so anxious and paranoid
not paranoid about me, but what is going to happen to
our dear main character

and i almost never get rid of books, 
only if they were horrible books do they get taken to the DI,
because one day i want a library like the one in
beauty and the beast
or the swan princess
and one of those ladders attached to the wall
SO cool!

but i digress
this summer, in preparation for the family reunion
mom bought me books
from the DI
[which is one of the best places to look for books,
because if they're crappy you only spent like $2
and if they're amazing it's a total STEAL]

one of them was 'something borrowed'
by emily giffin

Something Borrowed
and if i didn't already love her book
she used to live in london
and now lives in ATL
i want to meet her!

but the book is so good
it follows rachel who is the under dog
her friend darcy gets everything
and rubs it in rachel's nose
and for once rachel goes for what she wants,
darcy's fiance.

which she did know first
and dexter, the fiance, totally initiated it
and darcy doesn't even love him!
and she's a horrible person,
you'll find out in the book-i can't ruin it for you!

can you tell i love rachel?
i've read the book at least 3 times
and plan on another one before
it comes out in theaters
may 6

you can also read darcy's view
off all that went down in
'something blue'
Something Blue
from emily
she has three other books too
so maybe she'll be like nicholas sparks
and they'll make tons of her books into movies

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

the one with midway to heaven

desert book had a ladies night
they gave away tons of cool stuff
and what did i get?
midway to heaven, which i never would have bought
a bracelet way too small for my man wrists
and a 3 month membership to clearplay
which i can't use because i don't have one of their dvd players

so the verdict on the prize-LAME
but i figured i'd watch the movie

it's centered around a father-jed and a daughter-liz
and their realtionships
the mom died while liz was in high school from cancer

liz is now attending BYU and is in love with david
[played by kirby heyborne]
jed is still having a hard time moving on
and thinks david is too perfect

liz bothers me
and it bothers me that michelle money is in it
[aka crazy slc girl from the bachelor]

i don't want to ruin the movie for you
but verdict on the movie?
rent, only if you must!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

the one with an example

touch my hair
and i will kill you

unfortunately you can't ask this ant
for his side of the story

i hate ants
and the fact that it was crawling on my hair
clean hair, like right out of the shower,
made me want to scream

the one with disney on ice

disney on ice is the best!
so many pictures but fire definitely was way cool

i don't  even know which other ones to pick
but when disney on ice is in town you should definitely go!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

the one with....SNOW SUCKS!

i hate snow
like really hate it
i only like it from a far,
like inside in sweats and a hoodie
and socks

but if i have to go out in snow
i want my f-uggs
[also known as fake uggs]
downside? they are def not waterproof

see the dark lines?
yeah, they're wet
and had been wet for about 1.5 hrs
sucked to be me this morning

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

the one with why i don't cook

let me set the scene
i'm trying to make taco salad for dinner
i fry tortillas and then mold them into bowls
then cut the lettuce and tomatoes
while the meat is cooking

we're doing okay
then while i'm mixing in the taco seasoning
i slide it onto the back burner
and then mix in the seasoning
and here's where it gets good

i start to slide it onto the front burner again
and i hear a crack
and white sparks EVERYWHERE
and a scream coming from somewhere
i have no idea where it came from
[okay, it was me]

then i start to get scared
and think of how expensive it's going to be
i call my dad almost on the verge of tears
asking what i'm going to do

home depot-$10

Sunday, March 6, 2011

the one with a few favorite books

aunt emily turned me on to these books
told me i had to read them
i took the first one to the hyde family reunion at bear lake
and read every other book i brought with me first

mom read it
aunt lisa read most of it
and then like two weeks later
i started it
and couldn't put it down

and then had to read the second one in the series
within two days
and had to wait for like two months to get the third
cause it hadn't come out yet

but i love them!
and i'm re-reading them right now

so, so good!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

the one with a clean cabinet

finally i take that picture you've been waiting for

you'd think by all the mary kay i had in there
they would sponsor me or something

Friday, March 4, 2011

the one where blogging celebrities talk to me

so i follow a lot of blogs
the ones i really love are

natalie knows the last two
and that's how i started following them
i was way stoked
when i saw this

can you see my name? oh yeah!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

the one with two for the price of one

i have two pictures from
my trip to school today
and so the clean cabinet will
have to wait til tomorrow

sorry the quality sucks
but it's not like i could be all obvious about it
but what i love about it
is that the guy was at least in his 50's
and had a matching yellow jacket

so this picture doesn't really do him justice
he was so good looking,
if you can get past his skinny jeans
seriously so good looking

and i was in sweats and my hair is in a messy bun
and i have no make up on
and i have crater face
totally sucked to be me this morning!

the one with cleaning

i didn't make the time to take a clean shot
so all i have is proof of all the
red and pink lipstick grama had

okay so my app and i are having so disagreements
we can't quite get to the place i want
so if you think there are color mark about half way down
that's lipstick

so here's the guide

and it's before midnight!
i almost forgot today

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

the one with the before

so i have no place in my dwelling place
and i've realized that i'm having a hard time with it
so i'm making things change

starting with the powder room
because i need a place for my things
my cleanser, moisturizer, eye make-up remover
toothbrush and toothpaste
make up and all that crap

but it didn't start out that way
i just wanted to clean up all her old make up
all the old stuff from the 80's

barely anything was left
so grama and i had a talk
and i'm gonna use the the powder room

want a before picture?

you can't see all the make up all over the
walls in the cabinet

tomorrow you'll see the after
of the clean out
and before the cleaning!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

the one with me owning up

i'm lame
i don't update enough
and a new project of mine
and math
have taken over my life

starting march 1st
i'm going to post everyday
for a month, maybe longer
with a picture

because i have a new photo app
and i love it
almost as much as my cannon

so watch for march 1st!!

sidenote-if we're not friends
why are you still following my blog?

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

the one with valentine's dinner

i made valentine's special
for grandma and grandpa great

Monday, January 31, 2011

the one where maybe i'm losing my mind

so maybe i'm losing my mind
i am losing my mind

people i clearly remember being weird
people i definitely remember trying to stay away from

yeah, i think they are SUPER good looking now
like i get tongue tied even thinking about them
and now i think they are WAY out of my league

check me into that hospital, i need help!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

the one with ch, ch, ch, changes

not a lot of life changes
but around the blog there is
eek! i'm so excited

so this brown and pink will be 
my day to day color combo
and it will change during holidays

i think my favorite change
is the pages at the top, just below my header
with the current posts
and then a page for each year of posts

i'll be adding more pages
with other links but with updating two blogs
i'm all editing out!

i've changed the layout of the side a bit
and put things down at the bottom

hope you enjoy it almost as much as i do!
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