things need to be said

i'm not backing down

because i still think what i said

but i am sorry people were hurt

being ignorant makes me...

i wanted to say mad,

because that's what i want to label it at first

and then i realize it's pity and sadness

you don't get over a huge,

life changing, traumatic event

and when someone goes through something similar

you feel an unfortunate kinship-
one that you never wished to share with anyone, ever

no one will understand it

no one will be able to say the right thing

but when the people who are closest to you

start talking about a similar event

and talk about the things you went through

and say they can't imagine what it's like

it makes me want to scream, and cry, and run

run from them, run from the people i thought understood

understood my family, understood me

i know, i know what it's like

i know what it's like to never want to be happy again

i know what it's like to want all of this, this event, this life, all of it, to be over

i know what it's like to see it all unfold in front of you

i know what it's like to think what if

what if i hadn't fallen asleep

what if i had acted earlier

what if things were different

what if he were still here

and what hurts the most is i still feel alone

i feel like i never even knew them

like they never knew us, me

broken.

since may

i've been

consistently broken

and i've been

thinking a lot

about it

one moment

you go from having

something being perfectly normal

to having to spend

days, weeks, months

repairing yourself

you're never the same

somethings strengthen

somethings weaken

but you grow

and are more careful

you learn to adapt

you learn to laugh it off

you learn that it's your life

for better or for worse

and one day

it'll all be behind you

and you'll be okay someday

I was 11

ten years ago today i was eleven

it was tuesday

i had gotten up and gone to school

just like any other day

i was wearing a camel colored shirt

and camel flowered pants

and i'm pretty sure i was wearing

brown clunkers

and my hair was probably in a pony tail

i knew nothing of any of the events

until i was at lunch

a teacher came and told me my mom

was in the office and i needed to go see her

she asked me if i knew what was going on

if i had heard about low flying planes

i looked at her funny and said no

she gave me a hug and said she'd get me after school

i went back to lunch

and told my 'friends' that my mom

had told me planes had been flying low

in albany, ga [my dad was out of town there]

mom had told us that sunday

that we were watching too much tv

and didn't want us to turn it on at all that week

when i got home i heard all about it

i remember abusing the new rule mom had set

as long as i watching news about 9/11

i could watch tv

i still think about them

i think about united 93

i think about all the family left behind

i think about these men

i love finding out more about the events

and fully understanding what happened

i love united 93 [the movie]

i love let's roll [the book]

and i'm working on the 9/11 commission report

i wish this hadn't happened

i wish that these people were still here today

but this is the next best thing

the one with one of the best things i have ever done!

the chick-fil-a grand opening here in midland

was a BLAST!

i had such a great time!

will and i got there about 5:35 am

and by about 6:10 we had our raffle tickets

because if there are over 100 people there by 6 am

then they raffle off the 100 spots

i was pretty nervous by the time we were

half way through the raffle.

the guy in front of me had been called,

and pretty quickly the guy behind me was called

will and i were finally called, #85

we were ushered inside

filled out paperwork

was given a super cute cup

and then ushered back outside

to get our parking spot/camping stall

this was our home for about 21 hours

since it took forever for us to get a spot

we had some pretty great neighbors

and some annoying neighbors,

who played music over the operator's father playing a trumpet

 and jammed out til about 2

we played games all afternoon and til about 10ish

i participated in a savenger hunt

via  columbus ledger enquirer

only downside i got pretty burned

like in pain for a couple days

we woke up the next morning, packed up

and got in numerical order

were handed t-shirts

[picture to come]

and went inside to be given our 52 free meal tickets

then will and i went inside for some breakfast

making us one of the first five paying customers

if you want to see what happened next

click here

in a couple days
will, zac and i
are going to another opening
in tucker, GA if you wanna come!

the one with a super long day ahead of me

tomorrow i'm getting up at 4:45

i'm packing the car with

tents, blankets, pillows,

chairs, drinks, food,

chargers and more

i'm not going in the woods,

i'm camping out at chik-fil-a

until about 6:30 on thursday

for free chik-fil-a!

not just a couple free meals,

"a year of free chik-fil-a"

or to be more exact 52 free meal vouchers

so text me, call me,

tweet me, or even stop by

cause i'll be there all day!

the one with the evans

the evans are like my second family

they are my favorite

their kids are super cute

and they love me

can it get any better?

yes, yes it can!

they say the cutest stuff

the kids

e 14 year old girl

j 10 year old boy

b  year old boy

m 4 year old boy

j, while playing with my phone,

said "you have the ellen app?

to which i replied "yes, i love ellen!"

b then blurted out "i love ellen too!"

b is just so cute and always loves what you think

a stay-at-home mom would love

j, while i was checking out the johnson's blog,

said the cutest thing but you'll need some background

the johnson's are currently living in germany they had picture up

so j said "do they have mormon church there?"

and i said "yeah..."

"wow, they just drink a lot and i didn't think they would have one"

ummm, i love these kids.

more to come i'm with them for like another 18 hours

the one with late nights

i love getting together

with the hyde side of the family

because we stay up and talk or play games

and when i end up going to bed early

and they stay up i get jealous

well when it's just me and mom

it's a perfect recipe for staying up late

and tons of tv

and tons of stupid fun stuff

like for instance tonight was

reading, hawaii five-0,

fabulous cakes, quints by surprise,

oh and blogging and more reading

and make it or break it

we had ice water galore,

rice krispies, and fires and tater tots

and my mom and i discussed a hilarious book

[can you keep a secret? by sophie kinsella]

and the fact that i love the name lyla and she doesn't

(doesn't lyla marie sound cute? i wouldn't use marie though)

and if i have twins i want them to be lyla and piper

and i talked to my favorite person

and caught up on tweets

tonight was a good night!

the one when i ask: "can i get a [hallelujah]?"

after almost 9 years

our military has done it

they have taken out osama bin laden

i never thought this day would come

and where was he?

in a compound in pakistan

i remember feeling chills when i saw this picture

after september 11

via

then this morning i was blown away

when i saw this picture this morning

via

we owe them and our military

everything!

the one with 'adlanna' temple festivites

real southerners don't say atlanta

they say adlanna

now on to the fun stuff

mom, dad, and zac worked at the open house

and i got to watch this cute little girl

she was adorable

and she said we're best friends

then we dropped off miss lauren to her parents

and went and toured the temple

before a temple is dedicated you can tour the inside

i toured the mt. timpanogos temple

but it was amazing to tour as a family

sans nathan, but he was there in spirit

dad had taken the boys aside

i took this picture after

but the colors turned out so cool

this is how it was before the mt. timpanogos temple

and because of the sealing power of the temple

we were sealed to my brothers for

time and all eternity

 

the atlanta temple was closed for almost two years

because the condition was worse than they first thought

now they have made grand improvements

like they have a thing in the back of the temple

that holds water so all outside water needs are taken care of

and use no city water

and water is such an issue here so this is amazing!

so that was last weekend

this weekend was amazing

these are some views from our hotel room

it was so beautiful!

 

 

this was at something like 6 in the morning

sleeping on the floor did not agree with me!

while we were waiting in line to get in

we were lucky enough to see our stake kids

and they looked like cadged animals

this is the one of the chaperones

the picture turned out really nice

the girls had just finished practicing

the color turned out really cool with this one too

i like the coloring with ian's sunglasses

of course dan and will were on the front row on stage

dan's the one on the left

our kids from the ward

 of course they got in the hsm jump

some of the boys wanted to get in on the action too

due to copyrights and all

no pictures or videoing was allowed

will got really close to president monson who was there

for the cultural celebration

it was amazing

the one with glasses

unfortunately i must wear glasses

every so often

it's quite depressing

but at least i picked a pair

that made me look

somewhat okay

i feel so bad when i see people

in glasses that obviously make

them look hor-e-blay!

i want to know who let them

pick them out

for the record

DO NOT pick glasses because

♥they look cute lying there
♥they are old fashioned
♥the people at the store say they look cute
(they don't have to tell you the truth)

the one with me suffering in georgia heat

people ask me sometimes if i like

utah or georgia better

the answer?

utah summers, georgia winters

i don't like snow anymore

and i have never loved humidity

in fact we are enemies!

i used to be able to deal with it

i could make my room

"colder than a midget in a fridgerator"

it was heaven

little brother decided to make a campaign for that room

my beloved room

so i got his matchbox room

and i know what you're saying

"you don't live there anymore,

suck it up!"

well you're reading my blog so you're on my side

his room i can't get cooler

than melted ice cream

and i am not cool with this

(no pun intended)

i can't handle this

i'm in shorts and a tank top to sleep

and i can't even have a sheet

and i wake up constantly 

i can't handle this

and then we went to atlanta this weekend

the change in lattitude would help

oh no, i was melting

and its not like people can get their act together

and cool down a place

except for the temple

and the stake center

it was heaven!

don't even get me started on the pool at the hotel

or my allergies

heaven help me!

the one where class is in session

let me teach you a couple things

i've seen people make these mistakes

and you get to be the benefit of my knowledge

first of all let's start with the obvious

don't have sex-you won't get pregnant!

second don't write stupid statuses

don't go apologizing to your ex on facebook

it makes you look needy and a little psycho

third give them space

absence really does make the heart grow fonder

people don't like to be smothered, you don't have to be with them 24/7

class is dismissed

if you wanna know anything else let me know

the one with sisters by heart

i joined psi

because i was moving out of my student ward

and taking my credits down to one class

and i was going to need social interaction

i was nervous at first

and almost decided to forget it

but i was blessed with these awesome sisters

and i'm so sad the year is coming to an end

the one with my wall

i'm not a fan of headboards

they kinda drive me crazy

because they let pillows through the crack

and i want my pillows!

but i love walls covered with quotes

and things i love

i need my room, wherever it may be,

to feel like it's me

and not like a hotel room or something

about a month ago i had some pictures developed

and i knew i wanted to put them up on my walls

but at the time the only wall i would really see

is this wall covering a heating vent thing,

that also has a book case i can't tough

so i tried but all my stuff didn't fit and

i had rapped around and used another side

but i wasn't seeing it and it was lame

now to the good stuff

i moved my bed into this alcove i have in my room

and it's so nice

because the bench below the window is like my nightstand

and the left side of my bed is against a wall

and i like to sleep against a wall

crazy, i know!

but while i was cleaning and starting to pack

i thought about adding stuff to my wall

it could be like a sideboard

like a day bed has

the mirrored candle was already there, and i could't move it

my phone doesn't like to take crisp pictures

and i was too lazy to charge my camera

besides the pictures, my favorite part

is the princess plaque above the 'E' plaque

the white lettering says

"daughter of a Heavenly King"

and i got it at the DI for less than a $1

although i may love it

we'll see what my grama great thinks

because anytime i change anything she freaks out

when she saw that the bed wasn't in it's normal place

she yelled "where is the bed? what did you do with it"

like i had decided to get rid of it

ya gotta love old people

the one with 'winter just wasn't my season'

i love music

i love the beats

and the words

and how it can change your mood

in the matter of 3 minutes and 28 seconds

i also love grey's anatomy

[i promise i have a point]

and although their musical event

wasn't as good as it could have been

and i'm worried they might have jumped the shark

there are couple songs i really love

i'd already like the songs

but their versions are good

[and kevin McKidd sounds amazing]

the one that's been stuck in my head

is breathe performed by chyler leigh

[originally sung by anna nalick]

it starts with:

2 am and she calls me

cause i'm still awake

"can you help me unravel my

latest mistake? i don't love him, 

winter just wasn't my season"

and winter wasn't my season either

with moving twice within 12 days

letting go of someone i thought i would be close to forever

questioning everything about myself

not having a real room for months

feeling inadequate at every turn

and hating snow!

but i'm changing

because i'm settling in, kind of 'nesting'

making my room as home-y as i can get it

without grama great throwing a fit

i'm deciding that i am good enough

that i don't have to change for any one

and that i can make new, great friends

but snow, i can't get rid of.

and the fact that it's been snowing

on and off for like the past 48 hours

is going to drive me crazy!

but i'm going home in

6 days!

and that can make snow tolerable

the one when i am SOO excited!

so i love reading

and it wasn't always that way

i hated reading until 4th or 5th grade

and one of the lowe boys

told me about his class reading harry potter

and i was like harry what?

and then that christmas my mom

got the first three books

and the rest was history

i love the initial reading of a book

not knowing what is going to happen

feeling your hand turn the page in anticipation

i just love it all

i love rereading books

because you get to be excited all over again

and i'm not so anxious and paranoid

not paranoid about me, but what is going to happen to

our dear main character

and i almost never get rid of books, 

only if they were horrible books do they get taken to the DI,

because one day i want a library like the one in

beauty and the beast

or the swan princess

and one of those ladders attached to the wall

SO cool!

but i digress

this summer, in preparation for the family reunion

mom bought me books

from the DI

[which is one of the best places to look for books,

because if they're crappy you only spent like $2

and if they're amazing it's a total STEAL]

one of them was 'something borrowed'

by emily giffin

from emilygiffin.com

and if i didn't already love her book

she used to live in london

and now lives in ATL

i want to meet her!

but the book is so good

it follows rachel who is the under dog

her friend darcy gets everything

and rubs it in rachel's nose

and for once rachel goes for what she wants,

darcy's fiance.

which she did know first

and dexter, the fiance, totally initiated it

and darcy doesn't even love him!

and she's a horrible person,

you'll find out in the book-i can't ruin it for you!

can you tell i love rachel?

i've read the book at least 3 times

and plan on another one before

it comes out in theaters

may 6

you can also read darcy's view

off all that went down in

'something blue'

from emily giffin.com

she has three other books too

so maybe she'll be like nicholas sparks

and they'll make tons of her books into movies

the one with midway to heaven

desert book had a ladies night

they gave away tons of cool stuff

and what did i get?

midway to heaven, which i never would have bought

a bracelet way too small for my man wrists

and a 3 month membership to clearplay

which i can't use because i don't have one of their dvd players

so the verdict on the prize-LAME

but i figured i'd watch the movie

it's centered around a father-jed and a daughter-liz

and their realtionships

the mom died while liz was in high school from cancer

liz is now attending BYU and is in love with david

[played by kirby heyborne]

jed is still having a hard time moving on

and thinks david is too perfect

liz bothers me

and it bothers me that michelle money is in it

[aka crazy slc girl from the bachelor]

i don't want to ruin the movie for you

but verdict on the movie?

rent, only if you must!

the one with an example

touch my hair

and i will kill you

unfortunately you can't ask this ant

for his side of the story

i hate ants

and the fact that it was crawling on my hair

clean hair, like right out of the shower,

made me want to scream

the one with disney on ice

disney on ice is the best!

so many pictures but fire definitely was way cool

i don't  even know which other ones to pick

but when disney on ice is in town you should definitely go!

the one with....SNOW SUCKS!

i hate snow

like really hate it

i only like it from a far,

like inside in sweats and a hoodie

and socks

but if i have to go out in snow

i want my f-uggs

[also known as fake uggs]

downside? they are def not waterproof

see the dark lines?

yeah, they're wet

and had been wet for about 1.5 hrs

sucked to be me this morning

the one with why i don't cook

let me set the scene

i'm trying to make taco salad for dinner

i fry tortillas and then mold them into bowls

then cut the lettuce and tomatoes

while the meat is cooking

we're doing okay

then while i'm mixing in the taco seasoning

i slide it onto the back burner

and then mix in the seasoning

and here's where it gets good

i start to slide it onto the front burner again

and i hear a crack

and white sparks EVERYWHERE

and a scream coming from somewhere

i have no idea where it came from

[okay, it was me]

then i start to get scared

and think of how expensive it's going to be

i call my dad almost on the verge of tears

asking what i'm going to do

home depot-$10

the one with a few favorite books

aunt emily turned me on to these books

told me i had to read them

i took the first one to the hyde family reunion at bear lake

and read every other book i brought with me first

mom read it

aunt lisa read most of it

and then like two weeks later

i started it

and couldn't put it down

and then had to read the second one in the series

within two days

and had to wait for like two months to get the third

cause it hadn't come out yet

but i love them!

and i'm re-reading them right now

so, so good!

the one with a clean cabinet

finally i take that picture you've been waiting for

you'd think by all the mary kay i had in there

they would sponsor me or something

the one where blogging celebrities talk to me

so i follow a lot of blogs

the ones i really love are

johnson family

metcalf family

natalie hill: mormon in manhattan

natalie norton

lindsey and misadventures in dating

natalie knows the last two

and that's how i started following them

i was way stoked

when i saw this

can you see my name? oh yeah!

the one with two for the price of one

i have two pictures from

my trip to school today

and so the clean cabinet will

have to wait til tomorrow

sorry the quality sucks

but it's not like i could be all obvious about it

but what i love about it

is that the guy was at least in his 50's

and had a matching yellow jacket

so this picture doesn't really do him justice

he was so good looking,

if you can get past his skinny jeans

seriously so good looking

and i was in sweats and my hair is in a messy bun

and i have no make up on

and i have crater face

totally sucked to be me this morning!

the one with cleaning

i didn't make the time to take a clean shot

so all i have is proof of all the

red and pink lipstick grama had

okay so my app and i are having so disagreements

we can't quite get to the place i want

so if you think there are color mark about half way down

that's lipstick

so here's the guide

and it's before midnight!

i almost forgot today

the one with the before

so i have no place in my dwelling place

and i've realized that i'm having a hard time with it

so i'm making things change

starting with the powder room

because i need a place for my things

my cleanser, moisturizer, eye make-up remover

toothbrush and toothpaste

make up and all that crap

but it didn't start out that way

i just wanted to clean up all her old make up

all the old stuff from the 80's

barely anything was left

so grama and i had a talk

and i'm gonna use the the powder room

want a before picture?

you can't see all the make up all over the

walls in the cabinet

tomorrow you'll see the after

of the clean out

and before the cleaning!

the one with me owning up

i'm lame

i don't update enough

and a new project of mine

and math

have taken over my life

so...

starting march 1st

i'm going to post everyday

for a month, maybe longer

with a picture

because i have a new photo app

and i love it

almost as much as my cannon

so watch for march 1st!!

sidenote-if we're not friends

why are you still following my blog?

the one with valentine's dinner

i made valentine's special

for grandma and grandpa great

the one where maybe i'm losing my mind

so maybe i'm losing my mind

i am losing my mind

people i clearly remember being weird

people i definitely remember trying to stay away from

yeah, i think they are SUPER good looking now

like i get tongue tied even thinking about them

and now i think they are WAY out of my league

check me into that hospital, i need help!

the one with ch, ch, ch, changes

not a lot of life changes

but around the blog there is

eek! i'm so excited

so this brown and pink will be 

my day to day color combo

and it will change during holidays

i think my favorite change

is the pages at the top, just below my header

with the current posts

and then a page for each year of posts

i'll be adding more pages

with other links but with updating two blogs

i'm all editing out!

i've changed the layout of the side a bit

and put things down at the bottom

hope you enjoy it almost as much as i do!